All Good Things Must Be Allowed to be Good

It has recently come to my attention that I don’t respond normally to good news.

Let me set the scene for you.

About a month ago, I got a call with a great job offer. It was a great opportunity. It was everything I had wanted at the time and more. And yet, when I was telling my boyfriend about it, he took one look at me and asked, confused as ever, “aren’t you excited?”

That was the moment I realised that no, I was not excited at all.

I had received great news and I wasn’t excited.

And it was not the first time this had happened to me.

(It likely won’t be the last, either.)

There have been many occasions when something I wanted to happen happened and my reaction wasn’t anything close to joy and excitement.

Because my Anxiety Brain kicked into gear.

Sometimes, I get good news and it sends me into a worry spiral. I start worrying about all the unknowns and question how it’s going to work out. I start to question whether I’m capable enough to embrace the new opportunity. I start worrying about if this good thing I have received is a bad thing in disguise.

In short: Anxiety Brain gets ahead of me and tries to ruin the thing before it even begins.

Is this rational? Of course not. I know that. You know that.

So, naturally, I had to figure out why I was doing that to myself in the first place.

Y’all ever heard of the great Brené Brown? She’s a researcher who has spent decades studying topics like shame, vulnerability, and courage.

(You should absolutely look her up and watch her TED Talks and her Netflix special.)

She once said: “joy is the most vulnerable human emotion.”

And that makes a stupid amount of sense, frankly.

Because sometimes letting yourself be happy about something feels unsafe. It feels like you’re letting your guard down because allowing yourself to feel joy means you’re not actively preparing for things to take a turn for the worst.

In my experience, joy and Anxiety Brain cannot peacefully co-exist. It’s kind of hard to lean into joy when your brain is consistently screaming at you, “BUT THIS COULD GO WRONG! DON’T TRUST IT!”

I used to say that I always prepare myself for the worst-case scenario because it means either my expectations are met or I’m pleasantly surprised.

But how that works out is that I’m either: a) giving myself a chance to experience grief for something that may never actually happen or b) experiencing the grief twice, the imagined and the real.

On top of that, actively encouraging a negativity bias means that there’s no room to enjoy when things do go well because I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Somehow, I managed to trick myself into thinking that was the ideal way to live. It’s becoming very clear to me that it’s nowhere close.

My new goals are to hope for the good and lean into joy while the good is here.

I’ve entertained my Anxiety Brain long enough and I can’t say it’s done me a whole lot of favours.

I’d like to be happy about good things without any conditions.

I’d like to be in a good moment without worrying about when it’s going to end.

Even if the good moment might end someday, the end of something does not mean that you shouldn’t enjoy it while it’s here. And one good thing ending does not mean a new good thing won’t come.

We’re in a time when there’s a lot of bad happening around us.

I’d say it’s a pretty good time to learn to treasure the good and not chase off the joy it can bring when it comes.

Until next time,

Siobhan K.